Monday, September 18, 2023

The Battle with Unforgiveness

 

Image from Pixabay 

One of the most iconic scenes in Little Women is when Amy burns Jo’s book manuscript. In a fit of rage over the loss of her hard work, Jo attacks Amy. When Marmee urges Jo to forgive Amy and not let the anger overtake her, Jo is resolute. As she tells her mother, “It was an abominable thing, and she don’t deserve to be forgiven” (Alcott 80).

            Louisa May Alcott named the chapter in which this incident takes place “Jo Meets Apollyon,” based on Christian’s encounter with the fiend in The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan. The entire story of Little Women draws on Bunyan’s work, as reflected in the preface. Based on this, readers understand that Jo has encountered a mighty foe that she must overcome, just as Christian had to fight Apollyon with the weapons of his faith. Her opponent is not a terrifying, winged monster, but a fiery temper.

            As much as we might recognize the need for Jo to forgive her sister, her reaction is relatable. Think of the last time someone hurt you and you thought, “(insert name) don’t deserve to be forgiven.” I am sure we all can think of a time when we nursed the wounds inflicted on us by another person. Our anger quickly festered and turned to bitterness and ended with an infection of unforgiveness.

            We can understand, then, why Alcott named the chapter as she did. Anger and unforgiveness were Jo’s Apollyon. Sometimes those things become our monsters to fight as well. When the hurts are deep and trust is lost, struggling with anger and unforgiveness can seem like a battle.          

The question we are faced with is: How do we fight against the natural inclination to withhold forgiveness?

            The answer lies in where we place our focus. Naturally, Jo fixated on Amy’s act of burning her book. We can easily stay do the same and focus on our own “burning book,” but doing so only hurts ourselves. Our focus needs to rest on something else.

During seasons when unforgiveness gnaws at us, we need to set our eyes on Christ. He died for us while we were still sinners, enemies against Him (Romans 5:8). Notice that Jesus did not wait to die an atoning death until humans started acting remorseful. He died for us while we were still sinners. We do not deserve the salvation He died to give us.

Based on Jesus’s model, we can understand that grace and forgiveness have nothing to do with the other person’s actions. Instead, forgiving those who hurt us is tied to our relationship with Jesus. He forgave us for all the terrible things we did and gave us a new life, even though we did not deserve it. Because of Christ, we can extend that same grace to others.

            Armed with a clear picture of what Jesus did, Colossians 3:13 becomes clearer: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (NIV). When we forgive, we are not negating the wrong another person did to us or saying, “It’s okay.”  Instead, we are extending grace to another person, just as Jesus showed us grace. Choosing to forgive allows us to start healing from the poison of bitterness in our hearts, and we receive freedom from the heavy burden of unforgiveness.

            We can relate to Jo, agreeing that the people who hurt us “don’t deserve to be forgiven.” We can also agree that we did not deserve Jesus’s forgiveness. Yet, by His love and grace, He died for our sins. With His help, we can forgive just as we have been forgiven.   

Forgiveness is a battle, but we do not have to fight alone.

 

Works Cited

Alcott, Louisa May. Little Women. Sterling Children’s Books, 2004.

The Bible. New International Version. Bible Hub, 2023.


Resources for Further Study

If you want to delve further into forgiveness, I suggest this video from Dr. Charles Stanley. He summarizes insightful principles from Scripture about forgiveness.  

Another resource that I found helpful when I struggled with unforgiveness was Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. For anyone battling anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness, this book could assist you in addressing difficult emotions.  

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